Incisiv Announces Tim Denman, a human, to Join Doppio, a platform.

In a world where Artificial General Intelligence (AGI) will eventually take over all jobs, rendering humans obsolete, Incisiv has gone analog and hired Tim Denman, a human, to help build out GroceryDoppio, an independent insights platform.

It was a close race between Tim and an AI model built by the Doppio team, revealed Dave Weinand, Chief Customer Officer and foremost human being. According to Weinand, “Tim's lack of personality was the clincher.”

Tim joins the ranks of uninspiring generic human names like Dave, Bill and Gaurav at Incisiv. Tim Human will drive research and content development at Doppio, tasks that an AI does better. Tim’s Turing test was off the charts. ‘We’ve never had someone score that high. Even I failed that tainted terrible test thrice,’ added Gaurav Pant, a human mammal with no real understanding of the words it spoke.

Giri Agarwal, Cheap Strategy Officer and adult beverage savant, was unavailable for comment. He was last seen drinking copious amounts of questionable ale at BXL at the time of this publication.

Tim was surprised by the developments. 'They click-baited me! I was on Cosmo doing a Sex and the City quiz to see if I was more of a Samantha or Miranda, but I ended up on their site applying for a job!' said Tim, hysterically (a human emotion).

Note: An AI did not write this. Not.